All relationships take work and experience ups and downs throughout the life of the relationship. In fact, growing pains and overcoming trials may strengthen the relationship. However, there are some behaviors that are of more concern than others. These relationship red flags come in varying degrees from slight concern to potentially unsafe. This list is meant to be informative and to serve as a means to ask deeper questions.

Feeling as if “something is missing” in terms of how the relationship is being created and maintained can be a cue to a few areas of concern.

1.   Lack of Trust
2.   Lack of Communication
3.   Addictive Behaviors
4.   Refusal to Make the Relationship Public
5.   Secretive Behavior

Compromise and collaboration are important tools within a relationship but it is important to recognize the difference between compromise and feeling coerced into behaving a certain way to please or not upset the partner.

These are a few behaviors that may indicate unsafe conditions within a relationship. If you are experiencing any of these, seek support.

6. Threats
Threatening to damage property
Threatening suicide
Threatening physical violence against the partner or others

7. Controlling Access
Isolating from friends and family
Not allowing to leave the premises
Requiring to know where the partner is at all times

8. Verbal Aggression:
Name calling
Insults

9. Physical Aggression:
Throwing objects
Punching walls
Hitting, pinching, slapping or kicking
Grabbing, pushing or shoving
Spitting
Forcing sexual contact

10. Lack of respect for personal and/or sexual boundaries:
Requiring passcodes for personal devices
Checking emails, text messages and/or voicemails
Performing sexual acts after a partner has said “no” and/or that they do not like it

The ten listed above are a few of the common ones I have seen in my practice and is not exhaustive. It is important to attend to your inner self. If it feels strange or makes you uncomfortable, honor your feeling.